You don’t struggle with self-trust by accident.
Gaslighting distorts your reality so deeply that you start doubting your own feelings, memories, and instincts.
In this blog, you’ll discover how narcissists use gaslighting to maintain control — and how you can recognise the pattern, reclaim your truth, and rebuild the lost connection with yourself.
How a Narcissist Distorts Your Reality – and Why You Start Doubting Yourself
A narcissist must disconnect you from yourself.
Because if you start feeling clearly, thinking clearly, and setting boundaries, their control slips away.
They target your wounds — because otherwise, you would become their mirror.
I know how confusing it feels when you are repeatedly told that you’re seeing things wrong, feeling too much, or imagining things. As if you can no longer trust your own intuition.
For years, I believed I was the problem — until I began to see what was really happening.
This blog isn’t just written from knowledge — it’s written from lived experience.
Because gaslighting breaks more than you realise.
But it’s also something you can overcome — once you start trusting your own truth again.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone systematically denies or distorts your perceptions, memories, or feelings — with the aim of making you doubt yourself.
It’s a subtle but devastating mechanism.
It targets the limbic system — the part of your brain responsible for emotions, memory, and survival responses.
When this system is continuously triggered by doubt, criticism, and rejection, it becomes overwhelmed.
This makes it even harder to think clearly, feel your boundaries, or trust your intuition.
And that is exactly what a narcissist (consciously or unconsciously) aims to achieve.
What Gaslighting Sounds Like:
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“I never said that.”
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“You’re exaggerating.”
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“You’re too sensitive.”
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“You’re twisting everything.”
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“You’re the one making it a problem, not me.”
On their own, these statements might seem harmless.
But within a narcissistic dynamic, they form part of a pattern designed to erode your grip on reality.
When someone makes you doubt what you feel, think, or remember — they’re not trying to connect with you. They’re trying to control you.
Gaslighting is not a disagreement. It’s not about different perspectives.
It’s a systematic tactic to dismantle your reality, until you no longer trust yourself — and rely only on them.
How Gaslighting Affects a Codependent
If you are codependent, you likely learned early on to adapt, to doubt your feelings, and to avoid conflict.
Gaslighting taps directly into those old wounds:
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You start believing you are the problem.
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You feel constant unease but don’t know why.
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You doubt your own memories and instincts.
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You seek constant validation from the other — and lose touch with yourself.
Long-term gaslighting leads you to live more and more according to their version of reality instead of your own inner truth.
You lose your ability to trust what you feel — and with that, your ability to set healthy boundaries.
Gaslighting isn’t proof that you are too sensitive.
It’s proof that someone is deliberately distorting your reality.
Why Narcissists Use Gaslighting
Narcissists need control to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable.
Gaslighting is their tool to:
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Shield themselves from confrontation
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Maintain power over how you perceive them
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Prevent you from feeling, choosing, or breaking away
Behind gaslighting lies a deep fear of being exposed.
They cannot cope with a reality where they are not perfect, not adored, not in control.
By undermining your reality, they protect themselves — but at the cost of your truth.
They specifically target your old wounds — your self-doubt, your need for approval, your fear of rejection — to keep you tethered to them and disconnected from yourself.
When someone makes you doubt your feelings, memories, or reality — they are not trying to love you. They are trying to control you.
Gaslighting is not subtle.
It is devastating — because it robs you of your truth.
How to Break Free from Gaslighting
Recognise the pattern – It starts with awareness. Notice how often your feelings, memories, or instincts are denied.
Validate yourself internally – You don’t need to argue. Silently affirm to yourself:
“This feels true to me. I am allowed to trust my own experience.”
Anchor your reality – Write things down. Reflect on conversations. Speak with someone you trust.
This helps you stay connected to your own truth.
Restore your inner compass – Through bodywork, inner child healing, and relearning how to recognise your intuition.
You don’t have to be 100% certain about everything to trust yourself.
A Gentle Reminder:
Gaslighting says nothing about your sensitivity — it says everything about their fear of losing control over you.
Every time you validate your own experience, you reclaim a piece of yourself.
And that is the path back to freedom.
Coming up next in this series:
Two powerful mechanisms that confuse and exhaust your nervous system — and what you can do to break free from them.
Would you like to go deeper in your healing journey?
In my 16-week Codependency Recovery Programme, you will step-by-step reclaim your reality, reset your nervous system, and rebuild your inner strength.
You are not broken. You were programmed.
And that programming can be rewritten.