Codependency & Narcissism – The Invisible Dynamic Holding You Back
Childhood trauma doesn’t always scream.
Sometimes it shows up in silence.
In invisible fear.
In constant alertness.
In never truly being seen.
I grew up in a house full of noise, but without real safety.
It took me years to recognise the pattern — how my childhood shaped everything I was drawn to later on.
This page offers a raw and honest glimpse into how childhood trauma lays the foundation for codependency — and how you can begin to free yourself.
You Feel Empty, Confused, and Drained
Some relationships feel intense, addictive, and all-consuming — but why?
Why is it so hard to break free, even when you know deep down it’s unhealthy?
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It’s not a coincidence — it’s the invisible dance between your survival patterns and the destructive behaviour of the narcissist.
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It’s a dynamic that didn’t begin with the other person — it began with what you once learned about love, safety, and your own worth.
What Draws a Codependent to a Narcissist?
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In the beginning, a narcissist often feels like the dream partner: charming, intense, full of attention.
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For a codependent, that intensity feels like love, because your nervous system has become wired to associate love with tension and people-pleasing.
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What feels like attraction is often old pain resonating.
Why Is a Narcissist Drawn to a Codependent?
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Codependents intuitively sense and fill the needs of others — without boundaries.
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Narcissists seek someone who revolves entirely around them.
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One gives themselves away, the other takes endlessly. Together, they form a ‘perfect’ (but unhealthy) match.
Why Do You Keep Attracting Narcissists?
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Not because you are weak.
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Not because you are doing something wrong.
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But because your nervous system unconsciously relaxes around the push-pull dynamic of tension, attraction, and rejection.
What you know as love is actually survival.
Your body doesn’t seek love — it seeks what once felt familiar, even if it was painful.
As long as this old programming is active, you will continue to be drawn to the same kinds of relationships.
A Narcissistic Relationship is an Attack on Your Nervous System
Your body lives in a constant state of adrenaline and cortisol — stuck in survival mode.
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Your brain becomes overloaded → brain fog, sleep issues, concentration problems
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Your body becomes exhausted → hormonal imbalances, muscle pain, adrenal fatigue
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Your immune system weakens → leading to frequent illnesses or autoimmune issues
This isn’t your imagination — it’s the biological impact of long-term survival.
➔ Learn more about how narcissistic relationships exhaust your body
Why Letting Go Feels Impossible
You know the relationship is destructive.
You know you deserve better.
And yet… letting go feels almost unbearable.
This is because your nervous system has linked love and survival so tightly that losing the connection feels life-threatening.
This isn’t weakness. It’s biology.
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Your nervous system equates love with survival — even when that ‘love’ is draining you.
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Any kind of distance feels dangerous because your system is programmed for “attachment at all costs.”
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Even when your mind knows better, your body keeps pulling you back toward the familiar.
True freedom doesn’t start by stepping away from the narcissist — it starts by resetting your own system.
The Invisible Programming Holding You Back
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You learned that love had to be earned.
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You feel responsible for others’ happiness.
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Your system constantly scans for rejection or conflict.
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Your inner compass points not toward what is healthy, but toward what feels familiar.
Why Standard Therapy Often Isn’t Enough
Learning about boundaries?
Building self-confidence?
It helps — but it doesn’t reach the root.
As long as your nervous system is still wired to find safety in adaptation, you will keep falling back into the same cycles.
Real healing doesn’t begin in your mind — it begins in your body.
That’s where true, lasting freedom starts.
How Do You Truly Break Free?
Breaking free from this dynamic requires more than just distance.
It requires a complete inner reset:
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Nervous System Reset – so safety comes from within
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Limbic Healing – so love no longer feels like survival
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Inner Child Integration – reclaiming the lost parts of yourself
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Building a Relationship with Yourself – so you never abandon yourself again
Freedom isn’t just about walking away from a narcissist.
It’s about coming home to yourself — to your body, your boundaries, your real needs.
You Deserve True Love — And It Begins Within You
You no longer have to fight for love.
You no longer have to lose yourself to be seen.
True freedom begins with reclaiming yourself.
From surviving to truly living — that is the journey I walk with you.
What You Will Learn With Me
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How your nervous system holds you in old patterns — and how to reset it.
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How to feel your boundaries — without guilt.
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How to build a strong, loving relationship with yourself — the one you always needed.
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How to recognise and attract healthy love.
You don’t have to walk this path alone.
But the first step is yours.
Rise for yourself. Break the cycle.
Come home to who you truly are.
Still wondering why the pull feels so intense?
Discover more in the other Codependency & Narcissism themes ➔
True freedom begins within.
Every small step you take is a powerful act of coming home to yourself.
You are not broken — you are becoming.