The Self-Test – Am I Codependent?
It took me a long time to understand that I was living with codependency.
Not because I couldn’t feel it — but because I didn’t know what codependency truly was.
Because it was so deeply woven into how I lived, loved, and lost myself.
This test is not a judgement.
It’s not a diagnosis.
It is simply a first mirror.
A gentle way to look inward and ask yourself:
Am I truly living freely? Or am I still giving myself away in exchange for love, approval, or peace?
Codependency is not a flaw in your character.
It is a survival pattern — often rooted in early childhood, when love, safety, or boundaries were not consistently available.
You lose yourself.
Not all at once, but piece by piece.
Why Take This Test?
Many people who feel stuck in relationships, fall back into old patterns, or struggle with emptiness, anxiety, or exhaustion have no idea that codependency may lie underneath.
They believe they are simply ‘caring’ or ‘giving too much’, but underneath that behaviour lies something deeper:
- A nervous system still wired for survival.
-
A self-image shaped by years of adapting.
-
A deep longing for love, safety, and recognition.
This test helps you gain clarity.
Not just with your head, but with your heart.
Self-Test Codependency – 24 Questions
Answer each question with a simple yes or no.
Be as honest as you can — this is not a test to pass, but an opportunity for self-recognition.
1. Do you often adapt to the moods of your partner, family, or friends to avoid conflict?
2. Do you find it hard to say no, even when you really want to?
3. Do you feel responsible for the emotions or happiness of others?
4. Do you believe you must earn love by giving, caring, or staying in the background?
5. Are you afraid people will leave you if you express your true feelings or needs?
6. Do you tend to attract partners who are demanding or disrespect your boundaries?
7. Do you feel empty or worthless when you are not receiving approval from others?
8. Do you struggle to feel what you truly need or want, separate from others?
9. Do you feel the need to save or change others, even at your own expense?
10. Do you stay in unhealthy relationships because letting go feels too painful?
11. Do you often feel ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too emotional’ in relationships?
12. Have you ever thought that if you just changed yourself, the relationship would improve?
13. Do you find it difficult to feel your own boundaries, or feel guilty when you set them?
14. Do you feel restless or empty when you are alone, without the distraction of a relationship?
15. Do you find it hard to accept compliments, feeling deep down that you don’t deserve them?
16. Have you ever blamed yourself when someone became angry, distant, or unavailable?
17. Do you find yourself analysing your partner or others to work out how to keep them happy?
18. Do you avoid conflict by swallowing your own needs or feelings?
19. Do you often feel that you are ‘too much’ or that you need to make yourself smaller?
20. Do you believe your worth depends on how much you can do for others?
21. Do you recognise yourself in these physical complaints?
-
Do you often feel exhausted, even after sleeping?
-
Do you experience tension in your neck, shoulders, or jaw?
-
Do you suffer from hormonal issues, PMS, or unexplained pain?
Prolonged emotional stress from codependency often impacts the body.
🔗 Read more about how codependency affects physical health.
22. Do you often feel lonely, even when you are with others?
23. Do you unconsciously try to control situations or people by adjusting your behaviour?
24. Has it only recently become clear to you (maybe through this test) that your patterns might be linked to codependency?
What Do Your Answers Reveal?
0–5 times yes:
You largely live from a grounded sense of self, with conscious boundaries. Still, it’s good to remain mindful of any subtle traces of adaptation. Your self-awareness is your strength.
6–10 times yes:
You show clear signs of codependency. You may struggle with boundaries, self-care, and putting yourself first. Recovery is possible — and it begins with this insight.
11–15 times yes:
There are strong signs that old survival mechanisms are still driving you.
What you are feeling is not weakness — it is your system still scanning for safety.
You have already begun your journey of change.
16 times or more yes:
Your nervous system is likely chronically overloaded from constant scanning, pleasing, and adapting.
The patterns run deep — but they can be transformed.
You no longer have to carry it all alone.
You are allowed to learn what it feels like to come home to yourself.
Does this resonate with you?
Would you like to discover how to break free from these old survival patterns — and how to step-by-step rebuild a loving relationship with yourself?
You are not broken.
You adapted — because you had to.
Now you have the chance to come home to who you truly are.
With patience, gentleness, and a deep remembering of your own worth.
You are allowed to choose yourself.
One step, one breath, one moment at a time.