When you keep repeating the same painful relationship patterns, it’s not because you are broken — it’s because a part of you is still carrying old survival strategies.
In this blog, you’ll discover how your inner child and inner teenager shaped your patterns of codependency — and how true healing begins by reclaiming all parts of yourself.
Why you keep repeating the same patterns – and how to find your way back to yourself
Your current relationship patterns, your fear of rejection, your urge to please or care for others — they didn’t come out of nowhere.
The roots of codependency are deeply embedded in your childhood, within your inner child and your inner teenager.
If you grew up in an unsafe, absent, or emotionally unpredictable environment, you learned early that love had to be earned.
That your own boundaries didn’t matter.
That your emotions were too big, too complicated — or simply invisible.
As a child, you had no choice.
Your survival mechanism taught you to adapt, suppress your own needs, and seek love the only way possible: by giving yourself up for the other.
But as an adult, you can make a different choice.
The first step? Return to where it all began.
Why Codependency Begins with the Inner Child
Your inner child is the part of you that formed during your earliest years, when you were completely dependent on the people around you.
If love and safety were conditional — if you had to care for your parents’ emotions, anticipate their needs, or suppress your own — you learned very young:
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My needs don’t matter.
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My emotions are too much or too difficult.
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Love must be earned by being good for others.
This invisible lesson became the foundation of codependency.
Pleasing, scanning, adapting — it became your survival strategy.
Without a safe emotional mirror from your caregivers, you couldn’t develop a strong sense of who you truly were.
Without a safe space for your emotions, you learned to push them away.
Learn more about how your inner child formed the foundation of codependency.
The Voice of Your Inner Teenager – Why Anger and Boundaries Feel So Difficult
During your teenage years, the dynamic only deepened.
Your inner teenager longed for autonomy, identity, and freedom — but often wasn’t given the chance.
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Setting boundaries was punished.
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Emotional rebellion was ignored or crushed.
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Anger became dangerous — or turned inward.
Some became the invisible teenager who erased themselves completely.
Others became the rebellious teenager, fighting for freedom while secretly longing for love and approval.
Your inner teenager holds part of the key to your freedom.
Until you truly acknowledge this part of you, you’ll remain trapped in old patterns.
Read more about your inner teenager & codependency.
The Nervous System & Limbic System – Why Your Body Is Still Fighting for Love
What many people don’t realise is that these childhood patterns are not just mental — they’re literally wired into your nervous system and limbic brain.
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Your nervous system learned early that safety depended on anticipating the needs of others.
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Your limbic system linked love to survival — because love was never unconditional.
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Your emotional brain learned that your own feelings were unsafe and should be suppressed.
Every time you find yourself in a relationship that feels familiar — where you must fight for attention, scan for danger, or hope for scraps of recognition — your old physical stress response is reactivated.
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Love feels like tension, not peace.
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Insecurity feels familiar.
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Healthy love feels alien.
This is why healing is not just mental.
You must reset the physical imprints within your nervous system, limbic brain, and emotional body.
Learn how your nervous system & limbic brain contribute to codependency.
The Key to Freedom – Reclaiming All Parts of Yourself
Breaking free from codependency is not just about “letting go” or “setting boundaries.”
It’s about reclaiming all parts of yourself:
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Your inner child — with all their pain, but also their joy and strength.
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Your inner teenager — with all their anger, but also their life force and courage.
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Your adult self — who is now ready to lead.
Only when all parts of you are allowed to exist again, can you:
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Feel who you truly are.
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Set and protect boundaries without guilt.
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Receive love without losing yourself.
You don’t have to walk this path alone.
This is exactly what my 16-Week Codependency Recovery Programme is designed to guide you through.